Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Republican Outrage Over "Zombie Apocalypse" Bill
6/19/2011 9:04 AM Tanya
House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan publicly lashed out at President Obama today over what he's dubbed the "zombie apocalypse bill." According to Ryan, a recently proposed revision of the budget includes a provision for the development and execution of an attached bill that, "is all about zombies." When asked to elaborate he said, "The line item in the budget that references the bill says "life impaired emergency preparedness" but those who have actually looked at the bill have discovered the real purpose... zombies.
Obama and the other Democrats are trying to push through a 500 Million dollar bill to analyze the threat of a zombie attack. This is an outrageous usage of taxpayer money."
A spokesperson for the White House held a press conference shortly after Ryan's accusations hit the press. "What Representative Ryan isn't telling the American public is that this bill is imperative for national security. Several highly credible sources have given us information that leads us to believe that the 'life impaired' are a serious biological threat. While we don't believe that our enemies have the ability to create actual zombies, science has proven that there are ways to control people enough to make them act in a manner similar to the zombies of Hollywood. Besides which, emergency preparedness for any situation is a necessity. We must be prepared for all possibilities."
Public reaction has been mixed. An internet poll had the following results: 44% are for the bill, 43% are against the bill and 13% were undecided. Several people questioned on the streets said that they already have their own zombie preparedness plan in place. At least a dozen scientists have expressed an interest in being able to study, and possibly experiment, with zombies. The Human Rights Coalition, however, is planning a protest. Their spokesperson said, "Zombies have rights just like every other human and should not be fodder for experiments or political arguments." - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Bobby Lee from MADtv, Chelsea Lately, Harold Kumar LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Al Madrigal LIVE from Daily Show with Jon Stewart at Arlington Drafthouse
Todd Barry LIVE from HBO, Comedy Central, Conan, Letterman and Many More at the Arlington Drafthouse
Rebecca Corry from NBC's One Big Happy, Last Comic Standing and Comedy Central LIVE at the Arlington
Stand Up For Pits
Wyatt Cenac LIVE from The Daily Show and Funny or Die at the Drafthouse
Fortune Feimster Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Orny Adams from MTV Teen Wolf, Comedy Central, and Netflix Live at the Drafthouse
Colin Jost Head Writer for SNL Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.