Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Rand Paul detained in Nashville after TSA claims toupee is living creature
1/23/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY), son of GOP primary candidate Ron Paul, was detained by Transportation Security Administration officials in Nashville Tennessee this morning after refusing to remove his toupee, which Paul persists is his real hair. TSA officials accused Paul of trying to sneak a living animal onboard his plane, resulting in the Senator being delayed for several hours as professionals were called in to confirm the status of the hairpiece.
“Between gusts from the central heating and air system, the lighting in that area, and the radiation emitted by the full-body scanner, it looked like he had a living, breathing animal sitting on top of his head,” said an anonymous TSA agent. “It was an easy mistake to make, I think. I didn't know if I should comb it or shoot it with a tranquilizer gun.”
“We asked him to remove the `thing' on his head, and that made him pretty irate,” the agent continued. “He kept saying `what the hell?! This is my real hair!' But it wasn't fooling anyone. For all we knew, it was a deformed spider monkey carrying some horrific virus. We can't have people walking onboard airplanes with WMD's strapped to their heads. We have to take every precaution.”
After refusing to remove his hairpiece, Senator Paul was escorted by TSA agents into a security room, where police and TSA officials questioned him as they waited for a veterinarian. After a thorough investigation, the veterinarian was able to identify the toupee, and the Senator was released from custody.
“Mr. Paul has been a vocal opponent of the TSA and its practices, and this is a prime example of why,” said a status update on Rand Paul's Facebook page. “His hair is obviously real. How anyone could think he has a toupee is beyond us. Do you know who else has real hair? The Donald. Yep. Totally real.” - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Nikki Glaser Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Brent Morin Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan Live from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Beth Stelling LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Adam Cayton-Holland from Conan Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Alonzo Bodden Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Tom Green LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
The Second City’s Nut-Cracking Holiday Revue Live at the Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.